Happy New Year! I do realize that we are almost three weeks into the New Year; I had of course initially planned to release my first post of the year on New Year’s Day, or at least on the 2nd January. But of course, I didn’t get round to it until now. Anyway, I figure I can still say Happy New Year whilst we’re in January.
I know that most people harbour the delusion that as soon as a New Year begins they will suddenly transform into completely different human beings. You know, a thinner, more accomplished version of themselves that reads more books, works out four times a week and all sorts of bullshit that people say they will do but never end up actually doing. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for setting goals for yourself and striving to be a better person. However this is something you should be doing at all times, not just because you’ve set yourself a New Year’s resolution which you are bound to forget about anyway. So this year, I’ve said to myself that instead of following suit I will:
1. Continue to strive to achieve my goals and be the best version of myself I can be
2. Leave certain things that only bring negativity into my life in 2017
Whilst Number 1 is the most important to me, Number 2 is pretty much the reason why I’m writing this particular post. 2017 was probably the year that taught me the most about life; it is the year that I really got to understand how important it is not to waste time focusing on things that do not benefit you. I am not just referring to my tendency to overthink and over-analyse, which I am happy to confirm that I’ve actually gotten much better with. This also refers to so-called “friends”, who like to say all the right things and act like they are there for you, when in reality they are not. The word “friend” is a word that certain people like to use, however actually being a friend is something else entirely. You remember that saying, “Good friends are hard to come by”? Well whoever came up with that was not lying. I’m not talking acquaintances, or people you are friendly with or the girls you work with. You see, last year was the year that I truly learnt the difference. Some people may talk to you like a real friend, and you’ll even talk about personal stuff and make plans to go out etc. But ask yourself this: how often do you find yourself always being the person to call/text that person? If you just stopped one day, do you think they would go out of their way to contact you, or even notice that they haven’t spoken to you? I know it might sound a little petty coming from an adult, and of course with a real friend this wouldn’t even occur to you because you know that he/she would reciprocate. But this isn’t a case of thinking “Ahh fuck that bitch, I texted her first last time so I’m not going to talk to her until she talks to me.” No, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a one sided friendship where it is always you that makes the effort, whether it be just dropping them a text or inviting them out. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that we are all busy these days. But it shouldn’t feel like one person should be holding up a friendship; it should always be a two way street.
I know a lot of you do not know me personally, but I am a very good friend. Much too good of a friend to deserve to be treated like that by anyone. So after a little while, I stopped making an effort to contact certain people that didn’t seem to give a fuck about me in the first place. One particular friend that I’ve known about two and a half years now is probably the worst out of all the “friends” I’m describing. S he will occasionally call my phone, but only when she wants to complain about a man. But I promise you, if you call that girl’s phone at any point, she does not answer it and you can forget about her calling you back or sending a message. That in itself was annoying enough, but it was her plain rudeness when it came to making plans that made me feel like I was done with this “friendship”. We would plan to do something, whether it would be to go out or just go over to her house for a sleepover. I always texted her the night before to confirm, mostly because I knew what she was like but also because plans could change. I completely understand that sometimes things come up, or all of a sudden your financial situation isn’t what you thought it would be. Believe me, I wrote that book so I would completely get it. Of course if that is the case, I shouldn’t have to chase you to find out, but like I said, I knew what she was like. But instead of letting me know what the deal is, she just wouldn’t answer her phone or text me back. I’d call or send a text the next day, and it would be the same. Nada. Then eventually, usually the next day or the day after that, she would decide to remember my existence and call me saying, “Babe, I’m so sorry about that it’s just (insert bullshit excuse here)”. Then I’d just say cool, or moan a little bit first depending on if I could be bothered, and then we’d make plans to meet up another day instead. But then the cycle would literally continue from there. I haven’t even seen this girl in a year now, because this is how ridiculous this routine has been. She’d call my phone once in a while, but like I said that was usually just to moan about a guy, not that she’d ever listen to my advice anyway. Eventually I took a step back to evaluate our “friendship” and wondered why I had even allowed myself to let it continue that long. I am no mug, and I certainly do not need friends that act like I’m just an afterthought who they can’t ever possibly fit into their busy schedule. I was actually supposed to go on holiday with this same girl, but I was constantly chasing her and asking her when she could book in holidays, or when we could both look at dates that suited us both. It got so infuriating that I just thought, “fuck this, I’ll go by myself”. Which worked out in the end anyway, because I loved every minute of that holiday. See blog post Majorca 2017 for further information. Anyway, I essentially let her know how I felt and she never even apologized. The fact that she couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to be sorry pretty much told me everything I needed to know, so I stopped bothering after that. She has texted me a couple of times since then asking to meet up, meaning she obviously STILL doesn’t get it. I explained it to her yet again, and I explained that I wasn’t interested in continuing the cycle so if she really wanted to see me she would have to come to me because I’d made enough effort with her to last me a lifetime. All she said was “okay”. Still no apology, and clearly no intention of ever actually making the effort. It’s sad how you can be such a good friend to some people, and they don’t even attempt to be half the friend you are in return.
But fake friends are exactly the kind of bullshit I’m leaving in 2017. I say only real friends in 2018. There’s a couple of girls at work who I found myself in a similar situation with: always going out of my way to make an effort, and being the only one. So I’ve stopped, and now I barely speak to them. And you know what, I don’t even care. I did at first, me being the sensitive girl I am. I even addressed one of them with how I felt, but it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. I think this was the moment I decided to say “fuck you all then”. Because I do have pride, and I’m not about to sit here and beg you to be a good friend to me. As I said before, I’m a good friend and deserve much better.
My circle is pretty small now, which is fine but it just means that whenever I want to do anything there might not be anyone that can actually come with me. Usually because of money, which is understandable. As a result, I found myself not going out, or not doing something just because I wouldn’t have anyone to accompany me. This is usually when I wanted to go out raving, which isn’t exactly something I’d do alone. However I have come across a website called Meetup which solves that problem. It’s basically a website with several different social groups, a lot of them filled with people like me who are looking to meet new people or make new friends. There’s even a few for singles as well and they come up with things like speed dating, and other ways that people can meet a man or woman in person, rather than off Tinder etc. (which is so dry now by the way). Meetup has been great so far, and I’ve only been on one outing just before Christmas, which was a lot of fun. I’ve got another one planned this weekend, and many more over the upcoming weeks so you can expect some detailed posts about that.
Finally, I would just like to clarify my earlier statement: no more fake friends in 2018. They will remain in 2017, among other things such as negative thinking, discontent, excuses, laziness and lack of perseverance. But most of all, I refuse to care so much about what people think. The idea of what people might think or say crops up in my mind before a decision I make way too often, and it stops now. At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters when it comes to any choices you make is your own. That is all I really have to say for now. To anyone that might feel similarly about anything I’ve mentioned above, I encourage you to make 2018 your year as well! Work hard, play hard, live and laugh in between, but most importantly: do so without giving a fuck what anyone else has to say about it. This is your life, and your year. Happy New Year!