My Motivation: Part III

How To Be a Bad Bitch.

This is the title of Amber Rose’s book and the third audiobook I had listened to in the space of about two weeks. It was also the final audiobook responsible for motivating me to start this blog, as I mentioned in my previous post.

The funny thing is, I had heard of this book before it had even come out a couple of years ago. I actually placed it in my Amazon basket ready to pre-order when it came out. However, by the time that day came around I had completely forgotten about it, until I saw it pop up on my recommended Audible list whilst I was listening to Charlamagne’s book. I remember seeing it and thinking “Hmm, is this really a book I want to read now?” Not because it was by Amber Rose, because I’ve always loved her. It was because at the time I wasn’t so fond of the term “bad bitch.” I mean, don’t get me wrong. The actual definition of a bad bitch isn’t something to be ashamed of, or something not to aspire to be. However it started to get to the point where it seemed that every attractive girl trying to stunt on Instagram started to coin the term “bad bitch” for herself, so it did start to get a bit cringe-y. If you had a near flawless face, a big ass and tits and you smoked weed, then you were pretty much a confirmed “bad bitch” in the world of Instagram anyway. Oh, and let’s not forget the women that gave themselves this title who were in no way “bad” at all. Those bitches that are kind of like some of the ones who you see on shows like Love & Hip Hop. You know, the ones that lucked out with enough money to get the surgery for Nicki Minaj-like curves so they call themselves a “bad bitch”, despite the fact that their attitude stinks and they have zero personality. That being said, I knew that Amber Rose was not like any of these women. So upon contemplation, I realised I was very interested in her experiences and what she had to say about how to be a “bad bitch”.

I don’t think I was even halfway through the audiobook before I realised that this book probably inspired me the most out of three of them. This is for two main reasons: 1) Amber’s words did not only make you feel determined to chase your dreams just like Kevin’s and Charlamagne’s words had, but it also reminded you to love yourself as a woman. I know that sounds so incredibly cliche, but I can’t really think of any other way to describe it. I think in order to elaborate on this, I need to explain a little about Amber Rose.

For those of you who don’t know her, Amber Rose is a model and actress from Philadelphia, USA. She’d been doing modelling for a while, but I think she first became popular when she featured in quite a few music videos for various hip-hop artists such as Nicki Minaj, Ludacris, Fabolous, Young Jeezy and many more. Then she really blew up when she started going out with Kanye West, before settling down to marry and have a child with the well-known rapper Wiz Khalifa. They’re not together now though; yeah he blew that, like most of them do eventually. Anyway, I digress.

So despite Amber being well known for being attached to a rapper or two, she’s always had her own hustle and her own vision, something which is very clear when you listen to her story. One of the things that has always made her such an icon is her distinctive and unique image. She has an incredibly short buzz-cut, as in only maybe an inch of hair on her head, just enough to dye it blonde to make it even more striking. I genuinely still cannot fathom how she looks so incredibly beautiful with no hair. I would just never DARE. Not even just because I know I would be waaay too scared to shave my hair, although I definitely would. But also because I just know I could not rock it like Amber does. I would literally look like a man, even if I did take the time to make sure I applied more makeup and styled myself in a way that my femininity was not completely lost. I just know it. I’m picturing it now, and trust me, it ain’t a pretty sight.

In Amber’s book, she tells the story of when she first decided to go to the barbershop and have her head shaved, something I had really been hoping she would include. She describes how nervous she was when she sat in the chair, and how she told the barber to start shaving from the middle so she couldn’t change her mind. She also tells us how when she first saw her hair she cried and asked herself what she had done. You know, like most women would. But boy, did she look fabulous though? Honestly, if you do not know her, Google her now and you try and tell me she doesn’t look amazing.

Another reason why I love Amber is because of how empowered she makes all women feel, no matter how we may look or how we decide to dress. You see, she’s kind of had a lot of shit in the past because she started out as a stripper in Philadelphia before she went onto modelling. A stigma for women which I have never quite understood by the way. I mean, how does it make any sense that there are countless guys who sell drugs, and do much darker, dirtier and illegal things to get money but people these days will almost act like it’s the norm? However should a woman dare to get her money by being a stripper, which is legal, then she’d better stand by for all the hate coming her way. I think it was this kind of mentality which led Amber to lead the SlutWalk in L.A., which is a transnational movement of protest marches to help put an end to any “slut shaming” of sexual assault victims, as well as any women who are judged and demeaned for their sexual behaviour. It’s disgusting to think this still happens as often as it does, but while we still have a lot of work to do, I do think that we have come a long way.

Anyway, Amber starts her story off by telling us that she was not always the most popular girl in school, because unlike most girls around that age, she did not choose to look a certain in way because it was “in fashion” or “the way to look”. She always did her; she wore the clothes she wanted to wear and styled her hair however she felt like, regardless of what anyone at school said about it. Do you know how much strength that takes when you’re so young? Even now, there are many grown woman who make themselves look a certain way because they feel this is the way they should look to be attractive. So imagine when you’re only in school, and there’s pressure to look pretty much how everyone else looks in order to fit in. But Amber did not care about any of that. She recounts a tale of when she got a pair of shoes from Pay Less, a store in the U.S. which sold shoes on a budget, hence the name. The kind of store which most schoolgirls would rather die than have people know they would even set foot in. They were very different from the kind of shoes that most of the girls in her school were wearing, and at first they made fun of her for it. But when they realised that she didn’t really care, she noticed that gradually other girls started to buy the exact same shoes, until nearly all of them were wearing the shoes to school. It was funny, because by then they all obviously knew where the shoes came from, but girls still continued to buy them and no one said a word about it.

Listening to these stories reminded me of how important it is to stay true to yourself and not to worry about what other people think of you. Amber says something in the book that really spoke to me: “I think half of the time we get criticised, it’s because we are giving off vibes that we are looking for approval or even just acceptance. People can smell weakness and it doesn’t bring out the best in everyone. But radiate power and self-acceptance, and that sends a whole different message.” Powerful words, right? I think I rewound that part of the audiobook about five times. As Amber also mentioned, this is not always the easiest thing to do. Especially as women in today’s society: you literally cannot do a thing on social media without seeing scores of women who look practically perfect in every way, which makes most of us feel like utter shit at the best of times, but especially on a Fat Day. Not to mention, our No.1 enemy called TOM who visits us once a month and makes us feel like Utter Shit times TEN. With all this in mind, it can be incredibly difficult to roll out of bed in Beyonce-mode, and strut proudly around to let the world know that you woke up like this.

But we have to do it. Amber encourages us to do whatever it takes to make us feel good. Get up, put on whatever clothes make you feel like a goddess, put on some makeup and get out of the house. I know it doesn’t quite sound like a solution, but as Amber says “radiating power and self-acceptance sends a whole different message.” And it’s true. The one thing that pretty much nearly every human being is attracted to is confidence. If you have this, it really doesn’t even matter what you look like. Regardless of what you are wearing, what size you are or what kind of hair is on your head, all the world sees is that you are confident in your own skin and that you love yourself, regardless of what anybody else might think.

Amber goes on to give more tips on skincare, makeup and how to find the best look for you, whilst highlighting the distinction between a good day look and a good night look. She reminds us that we absolutely can look fabulous on a budget; not all good makeup has to be the expensive brands, something which I did already know. When it comes to hair and makeup, there are literally countless girls on YouTube to offer guidance and tutorials on all sorts of different looks and styles. Amber also advises us to find our own personal style, and not to pay too much attention to what is “in style” or “trendy”, but to buy clothes that represent our own identity and personality. It was whilst I was listening to all this incredibly helpful advice that I realised the second reason why this audiobook had motivated me above all three of them.

2) Amber Rose’s book made me realise exactly what subject to pick for my blog. Finally! It had just hit me what I should do. I’d always been thinking about how much I wanted to spend more time watching more tutorials so I knew exactly how to do the various looks which I wanted to master in terms of hair and makeup. I had always told myself how I needed to buy more clothes; it had been such a long time since I had gotten new clothes, that I was in serious need of a wardrobe refresh. I recalled how I used to always like to match my accessories, which would make the whole outfit pop even when I was wearing something basic. I contemplated how often I would think to myself that I need to be more strict with my exercise regime; that if I worked out three days a week like I always said I would, and tried harder to stick to a more healthy diet as well, that I know I could look exactly the way I wanted to if I did try. But I was lazy. A procrastinator. When I thought about it, I was like that with absolutely everything. I was always saying I was going to do things that I just never got around to doing. Not because I didn’t intend to, but because I didn’t push myself to. I always waited till the last minute, and let me being tired from work take over my body whenever I had any free time, so I was forever telling myself I would do it next time. Or tomorrow, or next week. But the problem was that day would never come.

So what was I going to do? Carry on being this person who insisted that she would do things but never do them, until maybe ten years passed and I realised I had done absolutely nothing with my time? Well, nothing except dedicate all my time to something that wasn’t truly my passion and making no movements towards doing something for me? Hell no! Not even just professionally, but personally as well. I wasn’t living my life, like really living. Do you know that I have never been to a concert? Like NEVER. I’m not even kidding, not one. I barely go out and enjoy myself, even if it is something I can do alone. I was always thinking how much I’d like to learn how to cook properly. Like properly, not just pasta and other basic dishes. But that hadn’t happened yet. I hadn’t even been on holiday in five years. This is when it dawned on me that this was it. This would be my blog: following the completely honest and detailed Diary of a Procrastinator. A series of adventures through new experiences which I could write about, that I know other people would relate to. So here goes. I am determined to do at least one thing a week which I have been telling myself to do, but have never quite gotten around to.

I would absolutely love to tell you more amazing stories from Amber Rose, because there are so many more. But if I were to sit here and tell you how much I love her and her book, I would bore you half to death and that’s definitely not what I want to do. However I would very much suggest you pick up a copy of her book, or listen to the audiobook as I did. The same goes for I Can’t Make This Up by Kevin Hart and Black Privilege by Charlamagne tha God. You can download Audible from the App store if you have an iPhone, and it’s a monthly subscription which costs £7 a month and this buys you one credit per month. Each credit can be used to buy any audiobook or Audible, and you even get a free credit when you first sign up. I really do believe that every single one of the books I have mentioned brings you everything you could possibly want from an autobiography. But with regards to Amber Rose, after listening to her tell her story, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she is indeed a Bad Bitch, capital B, capital B, no quotation marks.

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