My Motivation

There were a few things that motivated me to finally get off my ass and write this blog, mainly a few autobiographies that I was reading at the time. Well actually I was listening to the books on audio, if we’re going to be specific: I Can’t Make This Up by Kevin Hart, Black Privilege by Charlamagne Tha God and How To Be a Bad Bitch by Amber Rose. I know it’s not exactly Barrack Obama or Oprah, (although hers is gonna be the one I listen to next, after Shonda Rimes’s which I have just started) but they were very helpful, as well as interesting and entertaining, and they were a big part of what motivated me to start my blog.

It was sort of random that I stumbled across these books though. I had been listening to Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey on audio. I’d been thinking about reading the book forever since I love the movie so much, so I decided to download the audio book. Overall I thought it was pretty helpful advice; it certainly seemed like a tool I would probably use if I was trying to get a boyfriend, figure out how to make things better with my boyfriend or get my boyfriend to propose etc. I guess since the advice is coming from a man, it gives you some faith in the fact that it actually works.

However I did find some of the tips a little old fashioned. For example, waiting for three months before you give your boyfriend “the cookie”, aka before you give up the pum-pum. Now do not get me wrong, this method certainly sounded like it would be effective in a lot of scenarios, and I can understand why it would be beneficial to apply it in the long run. Any man that waits three months for sex, especially these days, has definitely got to truly want to be with you, and will most likely be very appreciative of what he has after he gets it, which is exactly what you are looking for. However I don’t think that this method is always necessary or will always work for two reasons:

1. If we go with the theory that this is necessary at the start of every relationship in order to be taken seriously, then we have to entertain the premise that in almost every good, solid heterosexual relationship, the woman made the man wait three months before having sex. This simply isn’t true. I am sure there have been many solid relationships where the couple had sex in a much shorter time than three months, and I am sure there have been many where they did make the men wait three months and it still went to shit, meaning that this theory might not necessarily mean anything at all.

2. How do we even know if the men are really waiting three months? Seriously, how do you know if men are not just secretly getting their end away and just not telling you? So it could just look like this man is being amazing and patient, when really he’s seeing you in the day and fucking girls who will give it up at night. And if this were the case, could we even really get mad at them? After all, it’s safe to say that if you’ve only been dating the guy three months, then he’s not your boyfriend yet, unless you move super quickly. So anything the man does before he truly commits to us, can we really criticise him for it? I know what a lot of women would say to this, but I have never seen why we should scrutinise anyone for what they have done when they are not in a relationship. So with this in mind, I don’t know if I could try out this “three month cookie” rule and actually have faith in it, simply because I know how men are. I could fool myself into thinking this guy is earning it, when really he is just having his cake and fucking it too.

Anyway, I’m getting side-tracked here. So I listen to my audio books on this app called Audible, and when you’ve just downloaded something they usually send you an email shortly afterwards with recommendations of what to read next. At the top of my list of recommendations was Kevin Hart’s new book: I Can’t Make This Up: Life Lessons. I hadn’t even heard that he’d released a new book; I tend to be a little bit of a hermit when it comes to social media, so I’m often one of the last ones to find out these things. It’s not good actually; I resurface every so often when I feel like it, but most of the time I don’t really bother to find out what’s going on. It’s not even that I don’t really care, I just don’t bother to spend time looking at this stuff as much as I used to. I mean, I think I was one of the last ones to find out the names of Beyonce’s twins and I LOVE Beyonce. I mean, who doesn’t? I’m not quite sure of exactly why I don’t stay updated though. I suppose it’s the same reason I’m not all over Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter constantly, like nearly everyone else my age: it just doesn’t occur to me to do it. Firstly, I’m not a huge photo person anyway. I think I look better in person. I’m not trying to sound big-headed; it’s actually very irritating. I can’t stand sending photos to anyone that hasn’t met me in person, because I just feel like it’s a huge misrepresentation of what I really look like. But what am I supposed to do? Caption each picture I post with “I look WAAY better in real life, I swear”? Sometimes I think to myself that I’ll make the effort to tune in more though, cos I don’t like being the last one to know everything. And that goes for celebrity gossip as well as important current events. Ha, yet another thing I can add to my growing to-do list.

ANYWAY, sorry got distracted again. I tend to get sidetracked, in case you didn’t notice. So Kevin Hart’s book was at the top of the list of recommendations of what to listen to next. I guess they were just recommending works by other comedians. I love Kevin Hart; I genuinely think he is one of the funniest comedians ever, but it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me to just buy his book and read it if I hadn’t stumbled across it the way I did. Mainly because I stopped reading for leisure a little while ago (something else I intend to start doing more of again), but also because it wouldn’t really occur to me that I would want to know more about the journey of a successful comedian. Now it would though, because now I understand how much hard work, sacrifice and dedication it took for some of the greatest comedians, and some of the comedians that aren’t there yet, to perfect their craft. I mean now, when I think about comedians like Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Cedric the Entertainer and Chris Rock, I really have a new found respect for everything they’ve done and everything they have gone through to get to where they are now.

So anyway, I looked at the audio book and I thought it must be an old one. But then I saw that it hadn’t even been released yet, so I’d have to pre-order it. This is something I wouldn’t usually do by the way. I’m an impatient woman, so I cannot wait for shit. When I see anything that has to be pre-ordered, I always keep scrolling. But like I said, I love Kevin Hart and I was intrigued by this book. Whenever I had watched his stand-up routines and he spoke about his upbringing, particularly about his dad, I had always wondered whether or not he was joking. At first, I used to think that he must be. I mean, if such awful things happened to him on a regular basis, surely he wouldn’t be making a joke about it in the nonchalant way which he was? But then I thought, no one would ever make stuff like this up if it didn’t happen. At least, not publicly. So I guess he must have been serious, hence the title “I Can’t Make This Up”. But now that I’ve listened to his book, I totally understand why that is his style now.

Almost at the beginning of the book, he mentions how among all the fucked up stuff that was happening to him, he had a choice to make. He could either choose to dwell on it and react as most people would: sad or angry. Or he could laugh about it: and he chose to laugh about it. Literally so simple, nothing else to it at at all, but there is such wisdom in those words. Why cry or get angry about shit you can’t change when you could just laugh, move on and enjoy your life? When I listened on, and finished the audio book in almost two days, by the end of it I had learned that when Kevin Hart did his stand-up routines such as Laugh At My Pain, he was literally inviting us to laugh at his pain along with him.

I don’t want to ruin the book for you, because it really is fantastic. But I will say Kevin Hart goes onto to tell us everything from the beginning, growing up with his dad, who was a crackhead, how his mum was a God-fearing, Christian woman who pretty much raised him alone and was especially tough on him because he didn’t want him to turn out like his dad, his grind and the journey to becoming the amazing comedian, actor and producer that he is today, his relationship with his ex-wife Tori (I think this was the only part of his story that I knew nothing about before, so it was very interesting) leading up to his children, as well as the relationship with his current wife Eniko, his experience with acting and the bigger things it led to, and much more along the way with many hilarious bits in between. But that’s all I’m going to say, I swear it is that good that I do not want to ruin the experience for you.

You know what, I complain a lot, a hell of a lot, about shit that I cannot change. All day every day. But after hearing Kevin Hart’s story from the beginning, and how he turned it into the success he has turned it into, I just found myself thinking, “What the fuck am I complaining about and why aren’t I working?” Like seriously, I have no excuse to be sitting on my ass doing fuck all and not getting this money. I mean, you always hear about so many influential people that came from nothing and are now one of the richest people in the world, so it’s not like I thought stories like this didn’t occur. But to actually hear someone tell their story, and just to tell you like it is, no sugar coating, no bullshit, just straight up facts: it’s pretty amazing. I definitely recommend picking up this book, or better yet download the audio book. Kevin Hart reads it himself, and trust me there is nothing funnier than hearing him tell these stories himself. He ad-libs as well, so you get the real experience. Honestly, he even tells you how he almost become a male stripper. I mean LOL. Can you imagine it? Chocolate City featuring Kevin Hart! Ahh, what could have been. Ladies if you haven’t heard of or seen Chocolate City, WATCH IT. Trust me, you will not regret it. I repeat: YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

Anyway, the book was not only entertaining and inspiring, but also very helpful. I am still currently trying to master one ability that Kevin Hart talks about in his book frequently, something I’ve been attempting to master way before I listened to the book: The Shoulder Shrug. The Shoulder Shrug is being able to accept something that has happened to you that you might not like, and being able to just shrug it off and move on with your life. It’s usually something rather unpleasant which you need to digest, a lemon life has handed you or an unkind word some cunt or other has said to you, then you take a moment…and just brush it off and go about your business.


Cunt: You’re fat and ugly.

You: *shrugs shoulders

Although Kevin Hart would have probably snapped back on a cunt with a smart arse comeback shortly after shrugging his shoulders. But fuck it, I’m not a comedian. Anyway, the shoulder shrug. One of my best friends Keely possesses this very quality. I don’t think there are many things I could say to that girl to offend her. She just doesn’t give a fuck. If she thinks she looks fabulous, she looks fabulous and that is it. If she thinks she’s right (which she always does), then she’s right. Anything you say to her of the contrary will literally just go in one ear and out the other. This quality makes it so easy to brush off any shit that people give you. I’ve always tended to be pretty sensitive, and I hate it. Firstly because if I decide to not give a fuck about something, like when I really don’t think even spend time thinking about it, I won’t. So I get really frustrated when I get hung up on what people say, because I know I could eliminate those thoughts if I really tried. But for whatever reason, it’s not usually what comes naturally. What usually comes naturally is to react exactly as people expect you too, which I hate. At the end of the day, people do not make you upset. It is you that chooses to be upset about whatever somebody did or said, which brings me to the second reason I hate being like this: it’s just not fucking worth it. Life is too short, way too short to get so hung up on what people think. Most of the things that have irritated or upset me this year are not things I will care about five years from now, or even a year from now. And I do not want to spend half of the rest of my life over analysing things that aren’t worth my time, and that I could have let go of with a simple shoulder shrug. So this is something I believe I’ve gotten better with, but that I still need to work on. After all, everyone has an opinion as well as a right to one. There will be people that don’t like my writing, but so what? I certainly think I’m a good writer, and I can’t be dwelling on negative thoughts if I really intend on working towards my goal. So hopefully soon, along with the help of people like Keely and Kevin Hart, I will be the shoulder-shrugging master.

So in short, hearing about Kevin Hart’s experiences growing up, and then beginning his career as a comedian, evolving from his first persona Lil Kev The Bastard (yes really, Lil Kev The Bastard) into the hilarious Kevin Hart really motivated me to get going. After all, Kevin used to constantly travel from his hometown in Philadelphia to go on the road and perform at different venues and competitions, come back home and do his thing, and then get back out on the road again. I can write in the comfort of my own bed (which I’m doing right now, by the way), so what the fuck is stopping me?

Sorry, I had intended to make this whole post dedicated to my experience and thoughts listening to all three books I mentioned, but I had a lot more to say about Kevin Hart than I thought. I could carry on, but I don’t want to put you guys to sleep when you’ve only just started to get to know me. So I guess I’ll have to do three separate posts on each one, assuming I have as much to say about both Charlamagne and Amber Rose’s book, which I probably will. So I guess we’ll call this My Motivation: Part 1. Stay tuned!

One last thing: I am aware of the irony of finally completing and posting this post just a few days after the latest scandal about Kevin Hart’s extortion video. Well for those who don’t know, apparently an unknown someone has been extorting Kevin Hart with incriminating photos and videos of Kevin Hart and a mystery girl (who is apparently a “travelling stripper”…did anyone know this was a thing!?). Kevin’s wife Eniko is currently pregnant, which makes this whole scandal ten times worse, as no woman deserves to be going through all this craziness during this time. I haven’t seen the video myself (mainly because I can’t find it any-fucking-where!) and Kevin Hart has come out with a video of his own apologizing to his wife and kids just before the extortion video was released. However all he mentioned was that “he got himself into a stupid situation in which he knows bad things can happen, which is what happened” but that’s all he said. He never actually confirmed that he had cheated, although it looks like that’s pretty much what he’s trying to say. The person who released the video sent it to TMZ, and pretty much everywhere relevant as far as I know, which was basically a last resort as they had given numerous attempts to extort Kevin Hart and get paid millions of dollars to keep the video quiet.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way defending what Kevin Hart seems to have gone. Cheating on your pregnant wife is NOT OKAY in any way, shape or form. However I’m sorry, but I do have to give him some respect that rather than pay money to somebody to hush it up and keep it quiet, which he can afford to do, he would rather hold his hands up and admit to what he’s done and apologise, knowing that he would 100% look like the worst shitbag in the world right now. I know what some of you are thinking, he probably only admitted because he had gotten caught. Maybe that is true, but like I said he could definitely afford to keep whoever released the video quiet, but he isn’t doing that. He is admitting to his mistakes, as we all should.

Also bear in mind that this mystery extortionist is claiming that they are “shocked at Kevin’s behaviour and infidelity” and despite admitting that they’ve tried to get paid off for their information numerous times, they are now releasing it “for FREE.” They actually put “free” in capital letters in their little intro (which was the only part of the video which seemed legit that I could find), like they were some kind of Good Samaritan! Please! You were trying to get some coin and it didn’t work, so you released the video anyway out of spite. Don’t try and act like you feel sorry for Eniko, or that you give a fuck about what she or Kevin’s children are going through right now. I bet you anything it’s some hating bitch who probably didn’t get the D from Kevin, so now she’s mad and she’s back with a vengeance. Anyway like I said, not defending what Kevin did at all, it was definitely wrong. But please let’s not try and act like what they did was right, or that they have anybody’s best interests at heart apart from their own.

I would just like to finish by saying that the end of the day, Kevin definitely makes mistakes, but he has always admitted to them, which is more than a lot of men do. Either way, he’s still a fantastic comedian, an amazing performer and an inspiring entrepreneur, which is definitely one of the things that have motivated me to write this very blog. I just hope that I can one day be even half as successful as he is.


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