The beginning of any piece of writing is always the hardest part to write. I wish you could just delve into any story without the pressure of having to come up with an exciting introduction, one that will capture your audience exactly the way I picture it in mind. My first draft of this was probably the biggest pile of shit I have ever written in my life. Like, literally a pile of garbage. Hot Chinatown garbage. (By the way, I’m not saying that Chinatown smells like garbage. Anyone that watches The Amy Schumer Show will know what I mean. If you don’t, look it up on YouTube.)
Anyway, I decided to scrap everything I had written, start over without making any huge attempt to be impressive or captivating, and just be myself. Which is essentially one of the reasons why I wanted to start a blog in the first place. The main reason is because I want to be a writer, of course. But lately I have been finding myself struggling with confidence a little. I’m not quite sure what brought it on, because overall I used to have a lot of confidence in myself. But recently, I have discovered that I have been paying way too much attention to what people think when it comes to certain things. Writing isn’t really one of them, but it dawned on me that if everything was to go my way and I do make a success from writing, then I have to be a lot tougher and can’t pay so much attention to what people think of me. When I decided to start this blog, I made a promise to myself that I would not sugar coat anything and I would just be 100% me, regardless of what anybody may think about what I have to say. We live in a tough world where everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and most people you come across will not hesitate to give it to you. So imagine not just allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable and honest, but doing it on the internet for anybody and everybody to see. So here I am, exposing myself to you all. But relax,we are only talking metaphorically here. You’re not going to see a nude selfie of me when you scroll down, sorry to disappoint you.
Anyway, I had been contemplating what subject to choose for this blog for quite some time. I mean, there are quite a few things I’m passionate about. Beauty products, clothes, hair, spa treatments…the list goes on. But a) there are so many blogs about these same subjects, that it would be very unlikely that I would stand out as I would be writing about something that hundreds of women are already writing about and b)I don’t think I’m quite passionate enough about those things to be able to write about them 24/7. I mean, aside from products. My room is literally littered with assorted beauty products from The Body Shop, Avon, Elemis, Cowshed etc.
When it comes to clothes, hair and makeup, I mean I love them as much as the next girl, but most girls that write blogs about those things would usually be the same girls that have dozens of tutorials on YouTube and make the effort to look fabulous from head to toe daily. You should catch me on a day that my ass is not required to be anywhere. I mean, you’d be lucky if I put on a bra let alone take the time to film myself doing tutorials or clothing hauls when I have some me time. Don’t get me wrong, all you women that do: THANK YOU. We are now living in a time where nearly anything you might want to try has a video on YouTube instructing you on how to do so if you are unsure. For women like me that have forever been struggling with makeup techniques as introductory as the “smoky eye”, you are a godsend. But I just know I can’t be bothered to actually get into it enough to write about it, or offer advice to other women. I mean, if I’m only just getting into it properly for the sake of my blog, then who am I to advise others like I’m some expert? Does that make sense? So when it came to deciding on what to write about, it took me forever. What could I possibly write about that would relate to others, and that is at least slightly different from what we are already seeing out there? And then it came to me:
Since I was about twelve or thirteen years old, I have been the biggest procrastinator. I am Queen “I’ll Do It Tomorrow”, and then tomorrow will never arrive. I am now 24 years old, and for the last year or so, I have been telling myself I will do countless things. So far, I have a very extensive list:
- Start eating healthy: not dieting, just cutting out the really shitty stuff. Switching to brown bread and brown pasta (not brown rice though, I just can’t bring myself to do that), stop eating so many carbs, stop eating late, stop eating entire tubs of Haagen Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s (yep, I have done this. More than once, and I am not ashamed to say so). So nothing drastic really, just stick to a healthy regime so I can stop complaining about my stomach endlessly.
- Go to the gym three times a week — and actually stick to this. It seems that every time I do manage three sessions in one week, my subconscious self just has to throw it out the window the next week.
- Go out more and meet new people: I feel like I have been stuck in a rut lately. I always want to do things, but I will suggest plans to my friends all the time and we never end up doing anything. I mean, I love them but if it comes to a point where you can’t do the things you want simply because of other people, I think it’s time to expand your social circle.
- Appreciate me time: although I do want to meet new people and go out with friends more, I do also think it’s important to be able to enjoy time on your own. I used to love going to the theatre. I live in London, and nowadays you can find tickets for the best musicals and plays for very reasonable prices if you look in the right place. This is something I would be happy to do by myself, so I’ve always thought about making the effort to do things just for me, such as this. Even going to the cinema, or to a coffee shop alone doesn’t bother me, so this is something I should probably try and do more.
- Learn how to cook proper meals. I want to get to the point where I can literally whip up anything I want. So if I want Chinese food, I’ll be able to make it myself. If I feel like lobster, I’ll be able to put it together. Partly because I enjoy cooking (well what I can cook so far anyway) and partly for the independence. Plus I order Chinese food a lot, so if I can make my favourite dishes, it’ll end up saving me money as well.
- Do different things: this one sounds a bit vague, but what I mean by that is be more inclined to do things I would never usually do. I am the type of person that gets really stuck in my comfort zone, even when it comes to watching movies and TV programmes, I tend to be more comfortable with watching the same things over and over again than trying something new. I’ve watched every single episode of Friends, The Big Bang Theory and other television shows countless times, and have never been bored. I usually watch the same type of movies over and over too, but when it comes to other genres that I don’t usually watch, the list is incredibly short. For example, out of all the Fast & Furious movies, I have only ever seen Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift. Which is probably the worst one to select, as the story is shit and Vin Diesel only features right at the end. When it comes to all the superhero-type films, the same goes. The thing is, when I do observe people watching them, they don’t exactly look bad. But they just look very long, and I don’t know how I feel about spending so much time watching something if there’s a chance I won’t like it. I’ve seen Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, which I did like. I’ve seen the Dark Knight as well, which I loved. So you would think it would spark up some kind of desire to try others. But, for whatever reason, it never did. There are so many films we could do this with: I’ve never seen any Matrix movies, or Terminator films. Although, whenever anyone talks to me about these they just sound stupid, so I’m not sure if I feel like I’m missing out in this area to be completely honest.
The list could go on and on and on, but if I were to list every single thing that I think about doing but don’t do, we would be here all day. Plus that’s the whole point of this blog. Think of it as A Procrastinator’s Guide to Life: something that I hope will entertain and please people, sharpen my writing skills, but also something to hopefully motivate me and others to live life to the fullest, and be one of those people that does things rather than just sits around talking about what I would like to do. At least if I do get to the point where I’m running out of material on my third post, then I know that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to. Although if you knew me well, you would know how unlikely it is that I would ever run out of words to say, regardless of the situation. Anyway, introducing…me.