Majorca 2017

Hello people. So, remember how I mentioned at the end of my last post that I hadn’t been on holiday in five years? Well I am happy to announce that this has now changed! On Saturday 18th November, in the early hours of the morning, I left England for the first time since October 2012.

You see, I was speaking to my friend Carol a few months ago about how much I wanted to go on holiday, but that I had a lot of friends that would say they wanted to go but we would just never get around to actually doing it. The thing is, I’m the type of person that if we make plans to go somewhere a few months from now, I will be sure to save money for it and actually make plans to go if we are serious about it. If I don’t think this will be possible, then I will let you know from the beginning. However most of my friends unfortunately do not seem to have this same habit. To be fair, times are hard and I know that a lot of them intend to do these things, but other stuff will crop up at the last minute which makes it financially impossible. I also have a couple of friends with kids, so if they can’t organise the childcare then there isn’t much they can do. Often there will be a combination of the two: they have children but think they can make it work, and then they will have to pay for a school trip or some new football boots or something else at the very last minute. These are legitimate reasons, all of which are completely understandable. But unfortunately I do seem to also have a couple of friends that will constantly make plans with you but will never follow through. Not only that, but they will rarely even extend the courtesy of making you aware that they can no longer do those things as planned. They would much rather allow you to constantly chase them, most likely all the while knowing this is not something they intend to actually do. I say they but I only really have one friend that is as bad as this, who I don’t really bother with anymore.

When I was speaking to Carol about all this I was pretty much fed up. I had spent so many days I’d booked as holiday for a simple “stay-cation”, which do not get me wrong, I did always enjoy. But for once, I wanted to use my holidays for an actual holiday this time. However it didn’t look like my friend would ever get back to me to confirm what days would work best, and it didn’t seem to be the right time to book a holiday for most of my other friends. So what was a girl to do? “Go by yourself,” Carol suggested. She went on to tell me how she had gone to Tenerife alone for a few days, and that she had still had so much fun. I contemplated this for a while. It was certainly true that I could always enjoy myself relaxing in the sun, regardless of whether or not I had a companion. Sometimes in life you can only really rely on yourself, and it appeared that this was one of those times.

So I did just that. I booked a holiday in Majorca for a few days, on a website called On The Beach, which was also a suggestion from Carol. On The Beach is great because you only had to pay a small deposit to secure your holiday and you don’t get charged the remaining amount until a couple weeks before the arrival date. Even then, I only had to pay the balance in two separate increments over the course of two weeks. I flew out on Saturday 18th November, but I’ve been a little preoccupied doing absolutely nothing, so I am now only writing this in the comfort of my hotel suite on Tuesday 21st  November, late at night. It has been an amazing few days here; I literally do not know how I can possibly express how much just a few days away in a hot country has done for me. But I would say that the time I have chosen to go away has also made a lot of difference.

You see, I work in the London Reservations Office for Soho House. More specifically, I work as a Reservations Agent for The Ned, a hotel that has just opened in Bank in May this year. The Ned is the latest establishment for Soho House, and probably their biggest yet. It’s a 252 bedroom hotel complete with nine restaurants as well, and my job is to book the room and restaurant reservations, as well as oversee the email correspondence and the many tasks that come with the job. Needless to say, it has taken a great deal of effort and hard work from each and every member of our team over the past seven months. I didn’t even really notice how stressed I really was until now. For weeks, I’ve been wondering why I’ve been coming out with more and more spots. As in on a weekly basis. I am prone to getting spots occasionally of course, as we all are unfortunately. But it’s usually only for two reasons; around my dear TOM (Time of The Month) or because I’ve been using a new product as part of my skincare regime which clearly doesn’t agree with me. As I mentioned, this seemed to be happening every week now, so it wasn’t the usual hormonal breakout. It did seem to be a new product at first, as I had just started using Vitamin C Glow Boosting Microdermabrasion, a facial exfoliator I had bought from The Body Shop. Funnily enough, I did actually purchase it by accident, confusing it with my daily face wash which is packaged in an identical tube. I had already opened it before I realised this, so returning it was not an option. Not wanting to waste £18, I decided to use it and see how it went, as the Vitamin C Range in The Body Shop is good anyway. However it became apparent after a couple of weeks that my skin did not react well to it. Every time I used it, a couple of spots would pop up either on the day or the day after. I decided to stop using it, and just stick with my original exfoliator, which seemed to be working very well. But for some reason, every week I would still keep coming out with two or three spots, in the most annoying and obvious places. Painful ones too, the ones that you cannot really squeeze no matter how much you try. (I know you shouldn’t do this, but if you could have seen my face, you would understand that I had no choice). By the next week, these spots will have gone down but will also have been replaced by those horrible black marks which I’m sure all black women are familiar with. I could not understand it; it had been a few weeks since I had gone back to my original regime, but these spots would not quit.

It wasn’t until I had been here in Majorca for a few days that I noticed this was the first week in a while that no new spots had erupted. I still had one that was already on my face unfortunately, but no new ones at all. I also realised just how much tension I had in my back when I went to the spa yesterday morning and lay down for a massage. I mean, I had known that I was in desperate need of a massage for weeks, but this was something else. That was when it dawned on me just how stressed I have been these past couple of months, and it was finally showing up all over my face. I have had this kind of stress from work before; about three years ago when I was being bullied by my psychopath of a manager. That was a bad time for my poor face, and I even started getting spots on my back as well.

Sorry for this gross description, but the point is a few days away in the sun had worked wonders on me. It was a pretty quiet time of year, as Majorca is of course a tourist spot, and most people don’t tend to go away towards the end of November. The weather wasn’t at it’s hottest either, but it was still very warm, about 18 to 20 degrees. I don’t have to tell you fellow Londoners that it definitely surpasses the weather out here anyway. I spent most of the time in my hotel; swimming and visiting the sauna, getting a pedicure at the spa, listening to my audiobooks and reading out on my balcony and of course, drinking cocktails in the hotel bar every night. But I also went for walks on the beach from time to time, and went to the little city centre that was about 5 minutes away. Most of the shops were closed due to it being such a quiet period, but there was still enough open to have a little browse. I did plan on laying on the beach, but it wasn’t really that tidy. There was not a single person on the beach, so I guess they didn’t bother to clean it up properly. It wasn’t filled with rubbish or anything; mainly loads of residue from some kind of strange plant, but it was just everywhere. It just didn’t leave any room for a nice spot to lay on, but I didn’t really mind. I had only planned on reading my book there, so that was when I vacated to my balcony instead.

Everything about my stay at the hotel was amazing, and I highly recommend it. It’s called Iberostar Cala Millor, and the only downside is that it is about an hour’s drive away from the airport, which means that the transfer will be pricier than you want, but it is honestly worth it. The hotel is adults only; that’s right, no screaming kids or families around. This was actually the primary reason that I booked it, not to mention that it was a very reasonably priced 4 star hotel. I ended up being upgraded to a suite on arrival, making the whole trip even more worth the money. I booked under a Half Board plan as well, so both breakfast and dinner were included. This was all I needed, however it would have been nice if there were an all inclusive deal so that I didn’t have to pay for drinks, because I had a lot!

This brings me to the incredibly attentive and amazing hotel staff. I literally cannot say a bad word about any of them; they all went out of their way to make sure that I had the best stay possible. However the bartender Rafael definitely stood out amongst them all. I met him on the second night, and he was so lovely and friendly. He didn’t speak much English, but I was using my trusty Translator app all night so that we could communicate. Despite the fact that the bar was busy, he was always ready with my next drink in minutes whenever I ordered. He also generously gave me a mojito that I ordered for free, and two free shots of this chocolate liquor thing. I have no idea what kind of liquor was in it, but it tasted just like pure chocolate but with a kick. Genius! I headed up to my room later on and started playing some pretty loud music. So when I heard a knock on my door, I was so sure that it was somebody to tell me to turn the music down. But no, it was Rafael and he’d brought me up a complimentary bottle of Spanish rosé  along with a plate of chocolates! I mean, this was a very kind gesture, one that I very really appreciated. I thanked Rafael numerous times, and even went downstairs later that night to thank him properly. I had done absolutely nothing outside of being myself and ordering a few drinks, something I’m sure that every guest does. But he had gone out of his way to show me incredibly hospitality and genuine kindness, and that’s not something you see very often anymore. Definitely not in London anyway. I was sure to leave him a 5 euro tip when I checked out yesterday. I know 5 euros doesn’t sound like much, but I never tip anyone so this was a lot for me! If I hadn’t spent so much money on my trip than I intended to, I would have definitely left him more though. He deserved it. Two of the bartenders on my last night were also very kind and attentive; I believe their names were Vanessa and Sofia. They gave me two free shots of whisky sour, which were also delicious.

On the last morning of my stay, I headed down to the spa for a 45 minute aromatherapy massage as well as an hour and ten minute long facial. Despite the fact that I work for a company that owns several spas, it’s been a while since I have had a treatment and I loved every minute of it. I fell asleep pretty much towards the end of the massage, and was in another world completely by the time the facial started. Seriously, I was knocked out, dreaming and everything. The only thing I would say is that I think I need to book a more intense massage in a couple of weeks, as I do still have a lot of tension in my back. This particular massage was obviously designed to be more gentle and relaxing, but I needed something just a little bit more intense to get all my kinks out. I’m not one of those people who wants it to be more pain than relaxation or anything, but I’m definitely gonna need a nice little balance between the two.

This entire trip was so therapeutic for me, despite the fact that it was at such a random time of the year. It wasn’t just the location and the weather, and each hour that I spent in total relaxation. But it was also the fact that, as cliche as it sounds, it really did feel like I had gotten to know myself all over again. I never thought that I would have the confidence to go away all by myself. Firstly, because of the supposed danger of being vulnerable in a foreign country. My mum was beside herself when I told her I was going alone. She was so worried, that I was sure to text her as soon as I had gotten to the hotel, and daily updates throughout the trip so she wouldn’t worry about me. But I did not feel scared or unsafe once while I was out there. You just need to stick to the same rules you usually would when you’re at home. I also didn’t shout about the fact that I was there by myself. Of course the other hotel residents knew, but if I met anyone outside the hotel I would lie and say that I had come with a friend. I didn’t talk to strangers, you know as we’ve all been taught not to do anyway since primary school days. Basically, just use your common sense and be alert, and you’ll be fine.

Another reason why I thought being alone would hold me back on holiday is because usually we all just automatically regard going away as something to do with someone. A family member, a friend or a partner at least. Most people cannot even fathom the idea of going away to a place like Majorca all by yourself. Women at work asked who I was going with, and when I’d answer “just me” the most common response was always, “Really?” which was always accompanied by a confused, screwed up expression. It was the same in the resort. I was getting a few weird looks from some of the hotel guests, and even though they never said anything I could literally see the words going through their mind: “Did that black girl come here all by herself?” But I didn’t care. I was surprised because I really thought that I might. Even though I was excited, there was a little part of me that was worried that I’d get out here, and be too scared or discouraged to do anything, because I’d be thinking “how could I possibly do that by myself?”. But I didn’t at all. Every single day, I did exactly what I wanted to do and I loved every minute of it. I loved the peace and quiet, and being able to just get away. It made me realise that I can do the same back at home. I can do whatever the hell I want to do whenever I want to do it.

This is what I usually do: I’d see something or somewhere I’d want to go, and then ask my closest friends if they’re up for it. More often than not, no one ever was. They’d have other plans, or they wouldn’t have money etc. A couple of them would barely even get back to me to let me know what they’re excuse was. So then I’d think, “oh well, I can’t do it now” and I just wouldn’t go. I’d sit at home and miss out on something I wanted to go to just because of other people, or go to a friend’s house and do nothing there. How ridiculous is that!? Well no more of that. From now on, if I ask a friend to go to the cinema or to a concert, or wherever it is I want to go, I will be doing it regardless of whether or not they accompany me or not. Of course, some activities such as raving or clubbing, would be more ideal to do with at least one other person. This is just because I tend to be wild when I drink, so you know, safety in numbers. Although a couple of people have recommended that I still do this alone if I feel like it, so maybe I’ll think about it a little and try apply a safe strategy for raving solo.

I would just like to say, once again, that I am so incredibly happy that I took this trip. It was definitely a great way to spend five days and if anyone out there is like me and hasn’t been away in a long time, DO IT. I cannot stress this any more. I didn’t just have an amazing time, but I have also returned with a bit of a different outlook on life and what I would like to do with mine. The most important thing to me for now is to put everything into my writing. It’s been so long since I’ve been writing literally every day, that I’ve gotten kind of rusty. Therefore any advice, criticism or feedback would be much appreciated.

Gracias por leer y buenos noches, mis amigos!!

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My Motivation: Part III

How To Be a Bad Bitch.

This is the title of Amber Rose’s book and the third audiobook I had listened to in the space of about two weeks. It was also the final audiobook responsible for motivating me to start this blog, as I mentioned in my previous post.

The funny thing is, I had heard of this book before it had even come out a couple of years ago. I actually placed it in my Amazon basket ready to pre-order when it came out. However, by the time that day came around I had completely forgotten about it, until I saw it pop up on my recommended Audible list whilst I was listening to Charlamagne’s book. I remember seeing it and thinking “Hmm, is this really a book I want to read now?” Not because it was by Amber Rose, because I’ve always loved her. It was because at the time I wasn’t so fond of the term “bad bitch.” I mean, don’t get me wrong. The actual definition of a bad bitch isn’t something to be ashamed of, or something not to aspire to be. However it started to get to the point where it seemed that every attractive girl trying to stunt on Instagram started to coin the term “bad bitch” for herself, so it did start to get a bit cringe-y. If you had a near flawless face, a big ass and tits and you smoked weed, then you were pretty much a confirmed “bad bitch” in the world of Instagram anyway. Oh, and let’s not forget the women that gave themselves this title who were in no way “bad” at all. Those bitches that are kind of like some of the ones who you see on shows like Love & Hip Hop. You know, the ones that lucked out with enough money to get the surgery for Nicki Minaj-like curves so they call themselves a “bad bitch”, despite the fact that their attitude stinks and they have zero personality. That being said, I knew that Amber Rose was not like any of these women. So upon contemplation, I realised I was very interested in her experiences and what she had to say about how to be a “bad bitch”.

I don’t think I was even halfway through the audiobook before I realised that this book probably inspired me the most out of three of them. This is for two main reasons: 1) Amber’s words did not only make you feel determined to chase your dreams just like Kevin’s and Charlamagne’s words had, but it also reminded you to love yourself as a woman. I know that sounds so incredibly cliche, but I can’t really think of any other way to describe it. I think in order to elaborate on this, I need to explain a little about Amber Rose.

For those of you who don’t know her, Amber Rose is a model and actress from Philadelphia, USA. She’d been doing modelling for a while, but I think she first became popular when she featured in quite a few music videos for various hip-hop artists such as Nicki Minaj, Ludacris, Fabolous, Young Jeezy and many more. Then she really blew up when she started going out with Kanye West, before settling down to marry and have a child with the well-known rapper Wiz Khalifa. They’re not together now though; yeah he blew that, like most of them do eventually. Anyway, I digress.

So despite Amber being well known for being attached to a rapper or two, she’s always had her own hustle and her own vision, something which is very clear when you listen to her story. One of the things that has always made her such an icon is her distinctive and unique image. She has an incredibly short buzz-cut, as in only maybe an inch of hair on her head, just enough to dye it blonde to make it even more striking. I genuinely still cannot fathom how she looks so incredibly beautiful with no hair. I would just never DARE. Not even just because I know I would be waaay too scared to shave my hair, although I definitely would. But also because I just know I could not rock it like Amber does. I would literally look like a man, even if I did take the time to make sure I applied more makeup and styled myself in a way that my femininity was not completely lost. I just know it. I’m picturing it now, and trust me, it ain’t a pretty sight.

In Amber’s book, she tells the story of when she first decided to go to the barbershop and have her head shaved, something I had really been hoping she would include. She describes how nervous she was when she sat in the chair, and how she told the barber to start shaving from the middle so she couldn’t change her mind. She also tells us how when she first saw her hair she cried and asked herself what she had done. You know, like most women would. But boy, did she look fabulous though? Honestly, if you do not know her, Google her now and you try and tell me she doesn’t look amazing.

Another reason why I love Amber is because of how empowered she makes all women feel, no matter how we may look or how we decide to dress. You see, she’s kind of had a lot of shit in the past because she started out as a stripper in Philadelphia before she went onto modelling. A stigma for women which I have never quite understood by the way. I mean, how does it make any sense that there are countless guys who sell drugs, and do much darker, dirtier and illegal things to get money but people these days will almost act like it’s the norm? However should a woman dare to get her money by being a stripper, which is legal, then she’d better stand by for all the hate coming her way. I think it was this kind of mentality which led Amber to lead the SlutWalk in L.A., which is a transnational movement of protest marches to help put an end to any “slut shaming” of sexual assault victims, as well as any women who are judged and demeaned for their sexual behaviour. It’s disgusting to think this still happens as often as it does, but while we still have a lot of work to do, I do think that we have come a long way.

Anyway, Amber starts her story off by telling us that she was not always the most popular girl in school, because unlike most girls around that age, she did not choose to look a certain in way because it was “in fashion” or “the way to look”. She always did her; she wore the clothes she wanted to wear and styled her hair however she felt like, regardless of what anyone at school said about it. Do you know how much strength that takes when you’re so young? Even now, there are many grown woman who make themselves look a certain way because they feel this is the way they should look to be attractive. So imagine when you’re only in school, and there’s pressure to look pretty much how everyone else looks in order to fit in. But Amber did not care about any of that. She recounts a tale of when she got a pair of shoes from Pay Less, a store in the U.S. which sold shoes on a budget, hence the name. The kind of store which most schoolgirls would rather die than have people know they would even set foot in. They were very different from the kind of shoes that most of the girls in her school were wearing, and at first they made fun of her for it. But when they realised that she didn’t really care, she noticed that gradually other girls started to buy the exact same shoes, until nearly all of them were wearing the shoes to school. It was funny, because by then they all obviously knew where the shoes came from, but girls still continued to buy them and no one said a word about it.

Listening to these stories reminded me of how important it is to stay true to yourself and not to worry about what other people think of you. Amber says something in the book that really spoke to me: “I think half of the time we get criticised, it’s because we are giving off vibes that we are looking for approval or even just acceptance. People can smell weakness and it doesn’t bring out the best in everyone. But radiate power and self-acceptance, and that sends a whole different message.” Powerful words, right? I think I rewound that part of the audiobook about five times. As Amber also mentioned, this is not always the easiest thing to do. Especially as women in today’s society: you literally cannot do a thing on social media without seeing scores of women who look practically perfect in every way, which makes most of us feel like utter shit at the best of times, but especially on a Fat Day. Not to mention, our No.1 enemy called TOM who visits us once a month and makes us feel like Utter Shit times TEN. With all this in mind, it can be incredibly difficult to roll out of bed in Beyonce-mode, and strut proudly around to let the world know that you woke up like this.

But we have to do it. Amber encourages us to do whatever it takes to make us feel good. Get up, put on whatever clothes make you feel like a goddess, put on some makeup and get out of the house. I know it doesn’t quite sound like a solution, but as Amber says “radiating power and self-acceptance sends a whole different message.” And it’s true. The one thing that pretty much nearly every human being is attracted to is confidence. If you have this, it really doesn’t even matter what you look like. Regardless of what you are wearing, what size you are or what kind of hair is on your head, all the world sees is that you are confident in your own skin and that you love yourself, regardless of what anybody else might think.

Amber goes on to give more tips on skincare, makeup and how to find the best look for you, whilst highlighting the distinction between a good day look and a good night look. She reminds us that we absolutely can look fabulous on a budget; not all good makeup has to be the expensive brands, something which I did already know. When it comes to hair and makeup, there are literally countless girls on YouTube to offer guidance and tutorials on all sorts of different looks and styles. Amber also advises us to find our own personal style, and not to pay too much attention to what is “in style” or “trendy”, but to buy clothes that represent our own identity and personality. It was whilst I was listening to all this incredibly helpful advice that I realised the second reason why this audiobook had motivated me above all three of them.

2) Amber Rose’s book made me realise exactly what subject to pick for my blog. Finally! It had just hit me what I should do. I’d always been thinking about how much I wanted to spend more time watching more tutorials so I knew exactly how to do the various looks which I wanted to master in terms of hair and makeup. I had always told myself how I needed to buy more clothes; it had been such a long time since I had gotten new clothes, that I was in serious need of a wardrobe refresh. I recalled how I used to always like to match my accessories, which would make the whole outfit pop even when I was wearing something basic. I contemplated how often I would think to myself that I need to be more strict with my exercise regime; that if I worked out three days a week like I always said I would, and tried harder to stick to a more healthy diet as well, that I know I could look exactly the way I wanted to if I did try. But I was lazy. A procrastinator. When I thought about it, I was like that with absolutely everything. I was always saying I was going to do things that I just never got around to doing. Not because I didn’t intend to, but because I didn’t push myself to. I always waited till the last minute, and let me being tired from work take over my body whenever I had any free time, so I was forever telling myself I would do it next time. Or tomorrow, or next week. But the problem was that day would never come.

So what was I going to do? Carry on being this person who insisted that she would do things but never do them, until maybe ten years passed and I realised I had done absolutely nothing with my time? Well, nothing except dedicate all my time to something that wasn’t truly my passion and making no movements towards doing something for me? Hell no! Not even just professionally, but personally as well. I wasn’t living my life, like really living. Do you know that I have never been to a concert? Like NEVER. I’m not even kidding, not one. I barely go out and enjoy myself, even if it is something I can do alone. I was always thinking how much I’d like to learn how to cook properly. Like properly, not just pasta and other basic dishes. But that hadn’t happened yet. I hadn’t even been on holiday in five years. This is when it dawned on me that this was it. This would be my blog: following the completely honest and detailed Diary of a Procrastinator. A series of adventures through new experiences which I could write about, that I know other people would relate to. So here goes. I am determined to do at least one thing a week which I have been telling myself to do, but have never quite gotten around to.

I would absolutely love to tell you more amazing stories from Amber Rose, because there are so many more. But if I were to sit here and tell you how much I love her and her book, I would bore you half to death and that’s definitely not what I want to do. However I would very much suggest you pick up a copy of her book, or listen to the audiobook as I did. The same goes for I Can’t Make This Up by Kevin Hart and Black Privilege by Charlamagne tha God. You can download Audible from the App store if you have an iPhone, and it’s a monthly subscription which costs £7 a month and this buys you one credit per month. Each credit can be used to buy any audiobook or Audible, and you even get a free credit when you first sign up. I really do believe that every single one of the books I have mentioned brings you everything you could possibly want from an autobiography. But with regards to Amber Rose, after listening to her tell her story, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she is indeed a Bad Bitch, capital B, capital B, no quotation marks.

My Motivation: Part II

Okay, so if you’ve read my last post then you would know that part of my motivation for this blog was listening to a few audiobooks: three to be exact. One was Kevin Hart’s book I Can’t Make This Up, which you can read all about in Part 1. The second inspiring audiobook I listened to was Black Privilege by Charlamagne tha God. I mentioned that I had only happened to come across Kevin Hart’s book on my Audible app because I had previously been listening to Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey, and the app recommended some other books that I might enjoy, one of which was Kevin Hart’s book. I came across Charlamagne’s book in a similar fashion.

Charlamagne tha God is a well known radio presenter and television personality. He is mostly known for his brutal, but refreshing honesty. Charlamagne started out as a radio intern in South Carolina, and then he started working on the Wendy Williams Show. However he has been let go from quite a few of his jobs because of his relentless honesty, including the Wendy Williams Show. He then went on to co-host the popular morning radio show, The Breakfast Club, alongside DJ Envy and Angela Yee. Even Charlamagne says himself in the book that every time he got fired, a better opportunity seemed to present itself, and he was not wrong there. It seemed that there was a lot of beef between them on Wendy and her husband Kevin’s side about the whole thing, but Charlamagne doesn’t seem to hold a grudge and never actually speaks ill of her. This is most likely because The Breakfast Club gives him the freedom to be himself and be truthful, which is all he is ever wanted to do.

The Breakfast Club is one of those radio shows that you just love to turn on in the morning and watch whilst you’re getting ready for work, which I often do. (I say watch because it is also filmed and uploaded onto YouTube). They mostly discuss celebrity gossip, with focus on a lot of well-known celebrities in the hip hop industry, politics, dating and sex. They also do daily interviews with celebrities, which I regularly tune into. They do little segments every day too; such as Angela Yee’s Rumour Report (which I have found is usually very factual), Call in and Weigh In and of course, Charlamagne’s Donkey of the Day. Oh, and they used to do Hoe Appreciation Day every Friday, which was always hilarious! I wonder why they stopped that…I guess the hoes got mad lol. It was funny though. I think Kim Kardashian got nominated about three times.

Okay, I’m going to give a brief explanation on the segments, because they are very enjoyable. The Rumour Report is a good way for me to get the scoop on what is happening in the celeb world. I don’t personally read “the blogs” as most people in America (and probably here) do, so I find it a good way to tune in and find out the dirt in just a few minutes. This is mostly something I do to get gossip, but also a little politics as well. To be completely honest, politics has always been something that I wasn’t really interested in. I literally paused so I can give you all a moment to gasp in horror and think, “No, how can you not be interested in what’s going on in the world and what affects you!?” Yeah I know, I’ve heard it all before. Mainly from my Dad. And you know what, you are all right. This is all very true, but it’s not something I avoid on purpose. Because with the fuckery that is going on these days, especially in London with all these terrorist attacks we’ve been having, I have been trying to make an effort to be updated on the news and politics. I have even downloaded the BBC news app on my phone, so that I can literally just look at the headlines on my notifications and be updated within two minutes. This has really helped, as I will usually then go in and read the full articles. But this is mainly with the news: the politics side is still boring. I wish it could interest me more…but it just doesn’t. Sorry. If there ever comes a time that I can watch TV shows like Question Time and not daydream or fall asleep, I will let you know.

Anyway: back to the segments. So The Rumour Report was pretty self explanatory. I guess Call In and Weigh In is too. So I’ll go onto my favourite: Donkey of The Day. So this is Charlamagne’s segment. Every day he picks someone, usually either a celebrity or an ordinary (well extraordinary or stupid) citizen, or criminal, who has been discussed in the news that day, or perhaps in the later part of the previous day. For example, one of the recent Donkey of the Day’s was “Two Men Rob a Bar Full With Police Offers”. See that’s the kind of stupid shit I’m talking about. To be honest, Donkey of the Day is usually about 40% celebrities, 60% political figures and stupid citizens/criminals. One of the first lines you hear in the intro is “Donkey of the Day does not discriminate” and he is not lying. So basically, Charlamagne selects the lucky individual and basically goes in on them, making them look like the stupidest human being on the planet right now, which they usually have been. If you want an example of a really funny one, please look up “Chanel West Coast Flaunts Her Musical Track Record”. I can’t even go into the whole thing right now, otherwise I will be here all night. But believe me, if you watch Ridiculousness or Love & Hip Hollywood like myself, or if you are one of the five people in the world that actually listen to Chanel West Coast’s music, then please watch it. It is HILARIOUS.

So long story short, I am a huge fan of Charlamagne’s. Just like with Kevin Hart, I had no idea he had published a book. I love The Breakfast Club, and usually regularly watch their interviews and Charlamagne’s Donkey of the Day, but as I have mentioned, I do tend to take a little time out from social media, current events etc. I think when I first saw The Breakfast Club, I did think he was a bit of an asshole at first. He can come across that way when you don’t really know what he’s about. But then, you kind of start to realise that he doesn’t go out of his way to be an asshole, or to be offensive. He is just being honest, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter who ugly it may be or how many people disagree with them. It’s so surprising how much of a fan I am, because as I have mentioned, I can be pretty sensitive at times. But there’s something so refreshing about the way Charlamagne comes across. A lot of people don’t like him for it, but he doesn’t care. In his book, he explains that no matter how much trouble his mouth got him into, he was always honest. And why shouldn’t he be? If a singer comes onto The Breakfast Club for an interview, why shouldn’t he say they suck if that’s his opinion? It doesn’t mean he has any disrespect towards the person. He just personally doesn’t like their music. However a lot of other people out there obviously do, and hopefully the singer does as well. So why should they give a fuck?

Charlamagne touches on such a good point in his book, and it is one of those things that I remember the most out of the whole story. He mentions that the hip-hop industry seems to be the only industry where if somebody gives their opinion and it isn’t what they want to hear, they take it as a personal offence and act like you’ve completely disrespected them. Whereas if you were to say that you don’t like Mick Jagger or Adam Levine, or one of the Rolling Stones, do you think any of them would give a shit? Fuck no. They would still rock out, and do what they do best. Because they know that regardless, they and millions of other people do like they’re music. You’re simply not going to appeal to everybody. Some people are bound to dislike you, because everybody is different. But hasn’t this always been the standard rule in life? Even when I was in school, my parents used to tell me all the time, “Not everyone is going to like you, that is just life.” But what should you do? Stop being you? No, you learn to do you and anyone who doesn’t like it can go fuck themselves.

Charlamagne is so right though. Artists like Nicki Minaj and Drake literally will not go on The Breakfast Club because of the shit Charlamagne has said about them. Birdman literally came in, with seven niggas in tow as security, not too long ago, and threatened all three of them to “stop playing with his name” and “put some respect on it”, before walking out and not even proceeding with the interview. He was literally on there all of two minutes. You see, this kind of shit baffles me. Fair enough, he’s said some stuff (particularly about Drake) that be construed as a little intense. But that is just because Charlamagne does what about 95% of the people in the world don’t do: he’s honest. He does not blow smoke up anyone’s ass and he doesn’t politely excuse himself, he just gives his honest opinion. And I’m sorry, how can you not have respect for that? Wouldn’t you much rather have someone give you an honest opinion to your face, even if it hurts, rather than just lie and say what they think will make you feel good? I know what most people’s answer is, but what’s the point? I’d rather know the truth. When my friends call me and ask me for advice about guys, I am honest. I don’t lie to them and make excuses for the dickheads and their sorry ass behaviour. I say, he’s a dickhead. Forget him, move on, I don’t even understand why you’re wasting your time over this prick anyway etc etc. Not because I want to be hurtful, but simply because I don’t think the alternative is going to the help them.
Nicki Minaj and Drake are both amazing artists, Charlamagne has even said that. He loves Nicki, I think he just doesn’t agree with some of the things she’s done. He’s never loved Drake’s music, or as he puts it Drake “isn’t his cup of green tea”, but he’s always admitted that he is a great artist. So what’s the problem?

Okay, so Charlamagne said some things you didn’t like. Does that make Nicki any less of a bad bitch or a less amazing rapper? Not in my book. And does it make Drake’s music sound worse when you hear it in the club, on the radio and pretty much everywhere? Not with me, I certainly still love Drake. Regarding Birdman, to be honest I don’t know what was said. I don’t care for Birdman’s music and I’ve never really cared much about the gossip surrounding him (unless it’s about Lil Wayne, Tyga, Nicki or Drake) so I have no idea what made him so angry when he went to The Breakfast Club. But again, why make so much time and effort to go there and tell someone “to put some respect on your name” just to leave again. How can you care so much about what someone on the radio has to say about you? If you are happy with you and your actions, then nothing else should matter. But I digress.

So Charlamagne’s book in short: everything you could possibly be looking for in a publication. It was powerful, inspiring, motivational, funny, entertaining and so wonderfully honest (I feel like I’ve said that word like fifty times now, but I don’t care). I didn’t realise how much he had been through to get to where he is. He went from selling crack and being in a gang, to interviewing some of the most well known and influential people on a daily basis. Not just that, he can speak his mind and truly be himself while he is doing it. Do you know much I’d love to go to work, be completely honest and not give a fuck about the consequences? If only…

I guess, that is what this blog is all about for me. A safe space where I can finally just be me. I feel like I constantly paint a picture of how I think I should appear every day because there are so few people I can be this honest with. Even that in itself is something I don’t think I’ve ever admitted before. This blog is my Black Privilege. Wow, that sounded profound as fuck right?

Kevin’s book inspired me to get off my ass, and Charlamagne’s book inspired me to actually go ahead and start my blog. I think he actually said the words “If you wanna be a writer, write. Start writing a blog.” Like I mentioned before, I’d always had the idea in my head. But these books made me realise how important it was to stop thinking and start doing. Although there was still the issue of what I would write about, and that is where Amber Rose’s “How To Be A Bad Bitch” comes into the equation. So please stay tuned for Part Three of My Motivation.

My Motivation

There were a few things that motivated me to finally get off my ass and write this blog, mainly a few autobiographies that I was reading at the time. Well actually I was listening to the books on audio, if we’re going to be specific: I Can’t Make This Up by Kevin Hart, Black Privilege by Charlamagne Tha God and How To Be a Bad Bitch by Amber Rose. I know it’s not exactly Barrack Obama or Oprah, (although hers is gonna be the one I listen to next, after Shonda Rimes’s which I have just started) but they were very helpful, as well as interesting and entertaining, and they were a big part of what motivated me to start my blog.

It was sort of random that I stumbled across these books though. I had been listening to Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey on audio. I’d been thinking about reading the book forever since I love the movie so much, so I decided to download the audio book. Overall I thought it was pretty helpful advice; it certainly seemed like a tool I would probably use if I was trying to get a boyfriend, figure out how to make things better with my boyfriend or get my boyfriend to propose etc. I guess since the advice is coming from a man, it gives you some faith in the fact that it actually works.

However I did find some of the tips a little old fashioned. For example, waiting for three months before you give your boyfriend “the cookie”, aka before you give up the pum-pum. Now do not get me wrong, this method certainly sounded like it would be effective in a lot of scenarios, and I can understand why it would be beneficial to apply it in the long run. Any man that waits three months for sex, especially these days, has definitely got to truly want to be with you, and will most likely be very appreciative of what he has after he gets it, which is exactly what you are looking for. However I don’t think that this method is always necessary or will always work for two reasons:

1. If we go with the theory that this is necessary at the start of every relationship in order to be taken seriously, then we have to entertain the premise that in almost every good, solid heterosexual relationship, the woman made the man wait three months before having sex. This simply isn’t true. I am sure there have been many solid relationships where the couple had sex in a much shorter time than three months, and I am sure there have been many where they did make the men wait three months and it still went to shit, meaning that this theory might not necessarily mean anything at all.

2. How do we even know if the men are really waiting three months? Seriously, how do you know if men are not just secretly getting their end away and just not telling you? So it could just look like this man is being amazing and patient, when really he’s seeing you in the day and fucking girls who will give it up at night. And if this were the case, could we even really get mad at them? After all, it’s safe to say that if you’ve only been dating the guy three months, then he’s not your boyfriend yet, unless you move super quickly. So anything the man does before he truly commits to us, can we really criticise him for it? I know what a lot of women would say to this, but I have never seen why we should scrutinise anyone for what they have done when they are not in a relationship. So with this in mind, I don’t know if I could try out this “three month cookie” rule and actually have faith in it, simply because I know how men are. I could fool myself into thinking this guy is earning it, when really he is just having his cake and fucking it too.

Anyway, I’m getting side-tracked here. So I listen to my audio books on this app called Audible, and when you’ve just downloaded something they usually send you an email shortly afterwards with recommendations of what to read next. At the top of my list of recommendations was Kevin Hart’s new book: I Can’t Make This Up: Life Lessons. I hadn’t even heard that he’d released a new book; I tend to be a little bit of a hermit when it comes to social media, so I’m often one of the last ones to find out these things. It’s not good actually; I resurface every so often when I feel like it, but most of the time I don’t really bother to find out what’s going on. It’s not even that I don’t really care, I just don’t bother to spend time looking at this stuff as much as I used to. I mean, I think I was one of the last ones to find out the names of Beyonce’s twins and I LOVE Beyonce. I mean, who doesn’t? I’m not quite sure of exactly why I don’t stay updated though. I suppose it’s the same reason I’m not all over Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter constantly, like nearly everyone else my age: it just doesn’t occur to me to do it. Firstly, I’m not a huge photo person anyway. I think I look better in person. I’m not trying to sound big-headed; it’s actually very irritating. I can’t stand sending photos to anyone that hasn’t met me in person, because I just feel like it’s a huge misrepresentation of what I really look like. But what am I supposed to do? Caption each picture I post with “I look WAAY better in real life, I swear”? Sometimes I think to myself that I’ll make the effort to tune in more though, cos I don’t like being the last one to know everything. And that goes for celebrity gossip as well as important current events. Ha, yet another thing I can add to my growing to-do list.

ANYWAY, sorry got distracted again. I tend to get sidetracked, in case you didn’t notice. So Kevin Hart’s book was at the top of the list of recommendations of what to listen to next. I guess they were just recommending works by other comedians. I love Kevin Hart; I genuinely think he is one of the funniest comedians ever, but it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me to just buy his book and read it if I hadn’t stumbled across it the way I did. Mainly because I stopped reading for leisure a little while ago (something else I intend to start doing more of again), but also because it wouldn’t really occur to me that I would want to know more about the journey of a successful comedian. Now it would though, because now I understand how much hard work, sacrifice and dedication it took for some of the greatest comedians, and some of the comedians that aren’t there yet, to perfect their craft. I mean now, when I think about comedians like Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Cedric the Entertainer and Chris Rock, I really have a new found respect for everything they’ve done and everything they have gone through to get to where they are now.

So anyway, I looked at the audio book and I thought it must be an old one. But then I saw that it hadn’t even been released yet, so I’d have to pre-order it. This is something I wouldn’t usually do by the way. I’m an impatient woman, so I cannot wait for shit. When I see anything that has to be pre-ordered, I always keep scrolling. But like I said, I love Kevin Hart and I was intrigued by this book. Whenever I had watched his stand-up routines and he spoke about his upbringing, particularly about his dad, I had always wondered whether or not he was joking. At first, I used to think that he must be. I mean, if such awful things happened to him on a regular basis, surely he wouldn’t be making a joke about it in the nonchalant way which he was? But then I thought, no one would ever make stuff like this up if it didn’t happen. At least, not publicly. So I guess he must have been serious, hence the title “I Can’t Make This Up”. But now that I’ve listened to his book, I totally understand why that is his style now.

Almost at the beginning of the book, he mentions how among all the fucked up stuff that was happening to him, he had a choice to make. He could either choose to dwell on it and react as most people would: sad or angry. Or he could laugh about it: and he chose to laugh about it. Literally so simple, nothing else to it at at all, but there is such wisdom in those words. Why cry or get angry about shit you can’t change when you could just laugh, move on and enjoy your life? When I listened on, and finished the audio book in almost two days, by the end of it I had learned that when Kevin Hart did his stand-up routines such as Laugh At My Pain, he was literally inviting us to laugh at his pain along with him.

I don’t want to ruin the book for you, because it really is fantastic. But I will say Kevin Hart goes onto to tell us everything from the beginning, growing up with his dad, who was a crackhead, how his mum was a God-fearing, Christian woman who pretty much raised him alone and was especially tough on him because he didn’t want him to turn out like his dad, his grind and the journey to becoming the amazing comedian, actor and producer that he is today, his relationship with his ex-wife Tori (I think this was the only part of his story that I knew nothing about before, so it was very interesting) leading up to his children, as well as the relationship with his current wife Eniko, his experience with acting and the bigger things it led to, and much more along the way with many hilarious bits in between. But that’s all I’m going to say, I swear it is that good that I do not want to ruin the experience for you.

You know what, I complain a lot, a hell of a lot, about shit that I cannot change. All day every day. But after hearing Kevin Hart’s story from the beginning, and how he turned it into the success he has turned it into, I just found myself thinking, “What the fuck am I complaining about and why aren’t I working?” Like seriously, I have no excuse to be sitting on my ass doing fuck all and not getting this money. I mean, you always hear about so many influential people that came from nothing and are now one of the richest people in the world, so it’s not like I thought stories like this didn’t occur. But to actually hear someone tell their story, and just to tell you like it is, no sugar coating, no bullshit, just straight up facts: it’s pretty amazing. I definitely recommend picking up this book, or better yet download the audio book. Kevin Hart reads it himself, and trust me there is nothing funnier than hearing him tell these stories himself. He ad-libs as well, so you get the real experience. Honestly, he even tells you how he almost become a male stripper. I mean LOL. Can you imagine it? Chocolate City featuring Kevin Hart! Ahh, what could have been. Ladies if you haven’t heard of or seen Chocolate City, WATCH IT. Trust me, you will not regret it. I repeat: YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

Anyway, the book was not only entertaining and inspiring, but also very helpful. I am still currently trying to master one ability that Kevin Hart talks about in his book frequently, something I’ve been attempting to master way before I listened to the book: The Shoulder Shrug. The Shoulder Shrug is being able to accept something that has happened to you that you might not like, and being able to just shrug it off and move on with your life. It’s usually something rather unpleasant which you need to digest, a lemon life has handed you or an unkind word some cunt or other has said to you, then you take a moment…and just brush it off and go about your business.

Example:

Cunt: You’re fat and ugly.

You: *shrugs shoulders

Although Kevin Hart would have probably snapped back on a cunt with a smart arse comeback shortly after shrugging his shoulders. But fuck it, I’m not a comedian. Anyway, the shoulder shrug. One of my best friends Keely possesses this very quality. I don’t think there are many things I could say to that girl to offend her. She just doesn’t give a fuck. If she thinks she looks fabulous, she looks fabulous and that is it. If she thinks she’s right (which she always does), then she’s right. Anything you say to her of the contrary will literally just go in one ear and out the other. This quality makes it so easy to brush off any shit that people give you. I’ve always tended to be pretty sensitive, and I hate it. Firstly because if I decide to not give a fuck about something, like when I really don’t think even spend time thinking about it, I won’t. So I get really frustrated when I get hung up on what people say, because I know I could eliminate those thoughts if I really tried. But for whatever reason, it’s not usually what comes naturally. What usually comes naturally is to react exactly as people expect you too, which I hate. At the end of the day, people do not make you upset. It is you that chooses to be upset about whatever somebody did or said, which brings me to the second reason I hate being like this: it’s just not fucking worth it. Life is too short, way too short to get so hung up on what people think. Most of the things that have irritated or upset me this year are not things I will care about five years from now, or even a year from now. And I do not want to spend half of the rest of my life over analysing things that aren’t worth my time, and that I could have let go of with a simple shoulder shrug. So this is something I believe I’ve gotten better with, but that I still need to work on. After all, everyone has an opinion as well as a right to one. There will be people that don’t like my writing, but so what? I certainly think I’m a good writer, and I can’t be dwelling on negative thoughts if I really intend on working towards my goal. So hopefully soon, along with the help of people like Keely and Kevin Hart, I will be the shoulder-shrugging master.

So in short, hearing about Kevin Hart’s experiences growing up, and then beginning his career as a comedian, evolving from his first persona Lil Kev The Bastard (yes really, Lil Kev The Bastard) into the hilarious Kevin Hart really motivated me to get going. After all, Kevin used to constantly travel from his hometown in Philadelphia to go on the road and perform at different venues and competitions, come back home and do his thing, and then get back out on the road again. I can write in the comfort of my own bed (which I’m doing right now, by the way), so what the fuck is stopping me?

Sorry, I had intended to make this whole post dedicated to my experience and thoughts listening to all three books I mentioned, but I had a lot more to say about Kevin Hart than I thought. I could carry on, but I don’t want to put you guys to sleep when you’ve only just started to get to know me. So I guess I’ll have to do three separate posts on each one, assuming I have as much to say about both Charlamagne and Amber Rose’s book, which I probably will. So I guess we’ll call this My Motivation: Part 1. Stay tuned!

One last thing: I am aware of the irony of finally completing and posting this post just a few days after the latest scandal about Kevin Hart’s extortion video. Well for those who don’t know, apparently an unknown someone has been extorting Kevin Hart with incriminating photos and videos of Kevin Hart and a mystery girl (who is apparently a “travelling stripper”…did anyone know this was a thing!?). Kevin’s wife Eniko is currently pregnant, which makes this whole scandal ten times worse, as no woman deserves to be going through all this craziness during this time. I haven’t seen the video myself (mainly because I can’t find it any-fucking-where!) and Kevin Hart has come out with a video of his own apologizing to his wife and kids just before the extortion video was released. However all he mentioned was that “he got himself into a stupid situation in which he knows bad things can happen, which is what happened” but that’s all he said. He never actually confirmed that he had cheated, although it looks like that’s pretty much what he’s trying to say. The person who released the video sent it to TMZ, and pretty much everywhere relevant as far as I know, which was basically a last resort as they had given numerous attempts to extort Kevin Hart and get paid millions of dollars to keep the video quiet.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way defending what Kevin Hart seems to have gone. Cheating on your pregnant wife is NOT OKAY in any way, shape or form. However I’m sorry, but I do have to give him some respect that rather than pay money to somebody to hush it up and keep it quiet, which he can afford to do, he would rather hold his hands up and admit to what he’s done and apologise, knowing that he would 100% look like the worst shitbag in the world right now. I know what some of you are thinking, he probably only admitted because he had gotten caught. Maybe that is true, but like I said he could definitely afford to keep whoever released the video quiet, but he isn’t doing that. He is admitting to his mistakes, as we all should.

Also bear in mind that this mystery extortionist is claiming that they are “shocked at Kevin’s behaviour and infidelity” and despite admitting that they’ve tried to get paid off for their information numerous times, they are now releasing it “for FREE.” They actually put “free” in capital letters in their little intro (which was the only part of the video which seemed legit that I could find), like they were some kind of Good Samaritan! Please! You were trying to get some coin and it didn’t work, so you released the video anyway out of spite. Don’t try and act like you feel sorry for Eniko, or that you give a fuck about what she or Kevin’s children are going through right now. I bet you anything it’s some hating bitch who probably didn’t get the D from Kevin, so now she’s mad and she’s back with a vengeance. Anyway like I said, not defending what Kevin did at all, it was definitely wrong. But please let’s not try and act like what they did was right, or that they have anybody’s best interests at heart apart from their own.

I would just like to finish by saying that the end of the day, Kevin definitely makes mistakes, but he has always admitted to them, which is more than a lot of men do. Either way, he’s still a fantastic comedian, an amazing performer and an inspiring entrepreneur, which is definitely one of the things that have motivated me to write this very blog. I just hope that I can one day be even half as successful as he is.

Introduce Hannah OJ

The beginning of any piece of writing is always the hardest part to write. I wish you could just delve into any story without the pressure of having to come up with an exciting introduction, one that will capture your audience exactly the way I picture it in mind. My first draft of this was probably the biggest pile of shit I have ever written in my life. Like, literally a pile of garbage. Hot Chinatown garbage. (By the way, I’m not saying that Chinatown smells like garbage. Anyone that watches The Amy Schumer Show will know what I mean. If you don’t, look it up on YouTube.)

Anyway, I decided to scrap everything I had written, start over without making any huge attempt to be impressive or captivating, and just be myself. Which is essentially one of the reasons why I wanted to start a blog in the first place. The main reason is because I want to be a writer, of course. But lately I have been finding myself struggling with confidence a little. I’m not quite sure what brought it on, because overall I used to have a lot of confidence in myself. But recently, I have discovered that I have been paying way too much attention to what people think when it comes to certain things. Writing isn’t really one of them, but it dawned on me that if everything was to go my way and I do make a success from writing, then I have to be a lot tougher and can’t pay so much attention to what people think of me. When I decided to start this blog, I made a promise to myself that I would not sugar coat anything and I would just be 100% me, regardless of what anybody may think about what I have to say. We live in a tough world where everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and most people you come across will not hesitate to give it to you. So imagine not just allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable and honest, but doing it on the internet for anybody and everybody to see. So here I am, exposing myself to you all. But relax,we are only talking metaphorically here. You’re not going to see a nude selfie of me when you scroll down, sorry to disappoint you.

Anyway, I had been contemplating what subject to choose for this blog for quite some time. I mean, there are quite a few things I’m passionate about. Beauty products, clothes, hair, spa treatments…the list goes on. But a) there are so many blogs about these same subjects, that it would be very unlikely that I would stand out as I would be writing about something that hundreds of women are already writing about and b)I don’t think I’m quite passionate enough about those things to be able to write about them 24/7. I mean, aside from products. My room is literally littered with assorted beauty products from The Body Shop, Avon, Elemis, Cowshed etc.

When it comes to clothes, hair and makeup, I mean I love them as much as the next girl, but most girls that write blogs about those things would usually be the same girls that have dozens of tutorials on YouTube and make the effort to look fabulous from head to toe daily. You should catch me on a day that my ass is not required to be anywhere. I mean, you’d be lucky if I put on a bra let alone take the time to film myself doing tutorials or clothing hauls when I have some me time. Don’t get me wrong, all you women that do: THANK YOU. We are now living in a time where nearly anything you might want to try has a video on YouTube instructing you on how to do so if you are unsure. For women like me that have forever been struggling with makeup techniques as introductory as the “smoky eye”, you are a godsend. But I just know I can’t be bothered to actually get into it enough to write about it, or offer advice to other women. I mean, if I’m only just getting into it properly for the sake of my blog, then who am I to advise others like I’m some expert? Does that make sense? So when it came to deciding on what to write about, it took me forever. What could I possibly write about that would relate to others, and that is at least slightly different from what we are already seeing out there? And then it came to me:

Since I was about twelve or thirteen years old, I have been the biggest procrastinator. I am Queen “I’ll Do It Tomorrow”, and then tomorrow will never arrive. I am now 24 years old, and for the last year or so, I have been telling myself I will do countless things. So far, I have a very extensive list:

  • Start eating healthy: not dieting, just cutting out the really shitty stuff. Switching to brown bread and brown pasta (not brown rice though, I just can’t bring myself to do that), stop eating so many carbs, stop eating late, stop eating entire tubs of Haagen Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s (yep, I have done this. More than once, and I am not ashamed to say so). So nothing drastic really, just stick to a healthy regime so I can stop complaining about my stomach endlessly.
  • Go to the gym three times a week — and actually stick to this. It seems that every time I do manage three sessions in one week, my subconscious self just has to throw it out the window the next week.
  • Go out more and meet new people: I feel like I have been stuck in a rut lately. I always want to do things, but I will suggest plans to my friends all the time and we never end up doing anything. I mean, I love them but if it comes to a point where you can’t do the things you want simply because of other people, I think it’s time to expand your social circle.
  • Appreciate me time: although I do want to meet new people and go out with friends more, I do also think it’s important to be able to enjoy time on your own. I used to love going to the theatre. I live in London, and nowadays you can find tickets for the best musicals and plays for very reasonable prices if you look in the right place. This is something I would be happy to do by myself, so I’ve always thought about making the effort to do things just for me, such as this. Even going to the cinema, or to a coffee shop alone doesn’t bother me, so this is something I should probably try and do more.
  • Learn how to cook proper meals. I want to get to the point where I can literally whip up anything I want. So if I want Chinese food, I’ll be able to make it myself. If I feel like lobster, I’ll be able to put it together. Partly because I enjoy cooking (well what I can cook so far anyway) and partly for the independence. Plus I order Chinese food a lot, so if I can make my favourite dishes, it’ll end up saving me money as well.
  • Do different things: this one sounds a bit vague, but what I mean by that is be more inclined to do things I would never usually do. I am the type of person that gets really stuck in my comfort zone, even when it comes to watching movies and TV programmes, I tend to be more comfortable with watching the same things over and over again than trying something new. I’ve watched every single episode of Friends, The Big Bang Theory and other television shows countless times, and have never been bored. I usually watch the same type of movies over and over too, but when it comes to other genres that I don’t usually watch, the list is incredibly short. For example, out of all the Fast & Furious movies, I have only ever seen Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift. Which is probably the worst one to select, as the story is shit and Vin Diesel only features right at the end. When it comes to all the superhero-type films, the same goes. The thing is, when I do observe people watching them, they don’t exactly look bad. But they just look very long, and I don’t know how I feel about spending so much time watching something if there’s a chance I won’t like it. I’ve seen Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, which I did like. I’ve seen the Dark Knight as well, which I loved. So you would think it would spark up some kind of desire to try others. But, for whatever reason, it never did. There are so many films we could do this with: I’ve never seen any Matrix movies, or Terminator films. Although, whenever anyone talks to me about these they just sound stupid, so I’m not sure if I feel like I’m missing out in this area to be completely honest.

The list could go on and on and on, but if I were to list every single thing that I think about doing but don’t do, we would be here all day. Plus that’s the whole point of this blog. Think of it as A Procrastinator’s Guide to Life: something that I hope will entertain and please people, sharpen my writing skills, but also something to hopefully motivate me and others to live life to the fullest, and be one of those people that does things rather than just sits around talking about what I would like to do. At least if I do get to the point where I’m running out of material on my third post, then I know that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to. Although if you knew me well, you would know how unlikely it is that I would ever run out of words to say, regardless of the situation. Anyway, introducing…me.